What To Do When Kids Say Mean Things To You. (Courtesy Dick Berry of Our Kids)
Anthony, from time to time, kids are going to say mean and hurtful things
to their parents, like: "I hate you." "I am leaving the day I turn 18."
"You are the worst Mom in the world." "I wish you were dead."
Generally they say mean things when:
1. They are in trouble and would like to shift the focus off of
2. They were just told "No" and they don't like that.
3. You want them to do something they don't want to do.
Typically they don't mean the things they say, they just want to get their
way or win.
Parents here are 3 Don'ts and 3 Dos in dealing with those situations:
1. Don't scream or yell, or say hurtful things back.
A. Reacting on their level shows them they can push your buttons and
shows you are out of control.
2. Don't try to reason with them at the moment.
A. It doesn't work.
3. Don't give in because you are hurt.
A. If your daughter wants to stay out past a reasonable curfew
(11:00pm) she may call you a name to get you to change your mind. Don't
reinforce her mean words by giving in and changing the curfew. If it
works they will keep doing it.
1. Do stay calm (reminding yourself that he just wants to win)
2. Do end the conversation as quickly as you can (it can't go anywhere
3. Do stick with what you said. (Don't give in. Curfew is still at
If your child discovers that saying mean things doesn't work, she will move
on to other ways of getting what she wants.