Tips Courtesy: Ronn Jeffrey of Youth Alternatives
HELPING OUR KIDS DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS
No matter how prepared we think we are, none of us are really ready to handle disappointments. And it's particularly difficult for us to watch our children struggle with disappointments in their lives.
Intellectually we know that failure and disappointment is a part of live and our children need to know how to deal with it. But, in our hearts we would like to protect our kids from ever experiencing the sadness of disappointment.
1. Respect Your Child's Disappointment
- Let your kids know it's ok to feel disappointment. Sometimes
just stating, "I can see that your really feeling bad," lets your child
know that you care about them without judging their feelings.
- Avoid saying things like, "It'll be ok or It's just a game."
When were feeling bad we don't want to hear that. When our kids are
upset, they know things will get better...but at that moment they don't
2. Don't Accept Inappropriate Behavior
- Sometimes our kids don't handle disappointment well.
When your kids are acting inappropriately it's important that you
respond to their behavior but be sensitive to when to correct and how to
3. Wait for Emotions to Calm
- It's almost impossible to get someone to listen to you when their feeling hurt and disappointed. Wait a little bit, the feelings will change and your child will be much more ready to listen to you.
4. Remind Your Child of Their Strengths
- Most of what our kids experience in life they have experienced before, but when things don't go well they tend to forget. They feel like it's the first time.
- Be optimistic but don't overdue it. Nobody needs an Eeyore but overzealous enthusiasm isn't appreciated either when your feeling down.
5. Don't Overanalyze...Just Feel With Your Kids
- My daughter's had to teach me about this. Every time
something went wrong I would try to explain it to my kids. In my desire
to educate them about the Why's and the How's I forgot to deal with the most important thing .....Their feelings.
- Sometimes we want to protect our kids so much from disappointment that we prevent them from learning from it.
Stay in the moment with your kids. Feel with them and cry with them,
but don't rob them of their feelings. Remember feelings of
disappointment are as real and as important as feelings of happiness.
- When our kids are hurting sometimes the best thing we can do is simply hug them and feel with them.